I know not why I anger at you
I anger at myself in turn.
For when you turned your eyes from me
You were but another.
For I am a child born of every turned gaze,
Of every closed door, every brick in the wall
Separating me from the laughing voices
Forever ringing in my ears.
A wall which only grew with time
For I know not how to swim nor scream that I am drowning.
My only escape clinging to false hope
That someday I shall rise and walk across the water unscathed
Lifted by miraculous unseen hands.
A vacuous bliss my only escape
From the sinking dread ever growing.
Yet I anger at myself, as I have before
Wondering when the day will come that I shall scream.
I wish I could tear down everything in the mirror
Because I hate having to look at strangers.
I hate never being able to speak for myself
Which is why I stay silent.
What is it that they see when they look at me?
I never do know.
What is it that they read from my words?
I never know.
I wish I could be faceless, nameless
Because neither is my own.
The weight of daylight hangs heavy on my shoulders
The clouds shuffle along, an aimless march,
The floor slowly sinking beneath my feet
The lights gash at the night sky
Lighting amber the falling snow
A galaxy of discolored stars
A song slow and plodding
Here amidst the silence of the stars
I am safe
same sight ahead
same sinking dread
same withered dead cold
same thoughts left untold
same bright silver threshold crossed
same city overcome by frost
same unspoken burden of lost hope
same deserted truth like tightening rope
save me, I can’t bear this any longer