My Days With Him

Street Lights – Payton Earwood

My Days With Him

Caroline Thompson

Day 1,826

Today marks our 5th year living together. Every day I thank the universe for giving me a man like Fin. He is kind, funny, generous, and pretty much everything a girl could ever ask for. Every day together is the same and I really couldn’t wish for more. I wake up every morning in our big comfy bedroom overlooking the city at 7am and take our australian shepherd Benji out for his morning walk. I walk down to the river a few blocks from our apartment because Benji loves the sound of the water and I love the subtle morning breeze that carries the small water droplets to my skin. I walk the same route every morning and I pass by the same people, like Gabby and Jared that live across the hall who go out for coffee every morning down the street at our favorite coffee shop. They’re always smiling ear to ear and I find it quite endearing. Sometimes, though, I notice Gabby’s stare lingering a little longer than normal—but I don’t think too much about it.

When I get home I go to the bedroom to wake my angel with coffee from the coffee maker he gave me for our move-in-aversary last year. He always wakes up with the same goofy smile that made me fall in love with him all those years ago. It really has been so long most of the time I can’t even remember how it all started. Fin sits up to sip the coffee and kisses me on the cheek and we usually talk about our plans for the day, even though they’re always the same. 

Fin works in the busiest part of the city about 15 minutes away. He works in finance or accounting or something boring like that so I don’t really ask about it. I go to my mid-day shift at the bakery across from our regular place at 12pm where I bake bread and different pastries, usually for the other women in the area whose husbands and boyfriends also work in the city. They come in to get their usual treats and coffees and we chat about little things like when we want to have kids and all the adorable things we’d dress them in. Time always seems to escape us and before we know it the sun has gone down and it’s time to close up. 

I get home at 6:15 every night and Fin follows shortly behind, usually with chocolate or a bouquet of flowers from the cute flower shop down by the river. My love knows me more than anyone else and always gets me my favorite daisies or a box of the best white chocolate. I always smile and laugh like a girl getting flowers from a boy for the first time, even though I’ve experienced it hundreds of times with Fin. We take turns making dinner and sometimes we go out to this nice Italian place on the corner when Fin gets a promotion or whatever else he’s celebrating at work. 

My favorite part of the day is when we get comfy with Benji on our big white sofa with all of our fluffy pillows and blankets wrapped around us. It feels like being on a cloud and with my little family it’s all I could ever ask for. We turn off all the lights and turn on 2 lamps to really set a calm mood. Fin turns on a movie we’ve probably watched so many times already and we fall asleep snuggled up in our big soft bundle. I really couldn’t ask for a better life. This is everything I’ve ever wanted and more.

Day 1,827

The day starts amazing as always, as the sun subtly peers through our bedroom curtains. Benji, our Australian shepherd, wakes me up at 7am every day to go for a walk by the river and I always kiss my perfect boyfriend Fin on the forehead before I go. Everything is the same as it always is. Fin goes to work in the city and I go to work at the bakery down the street while Benji is probably sleeping or chewing on one of the hundreds of toys we’ve bought for him over time. Another woman on our street comes in to get some coffee and a treat and we’ll talk endlessly about our happy relationships and all else. I think we talk about the same types of things every day but I’m a little bad with my memory-although it doesn’t worry me much. Gabby, our neighbor, will usually come in and get loaves of bread once a week and then run out without saying anything more than “hello” and “thank you”. I always smile at her and try to start a conversation but for some reason she just ignores me. I ask Fin about it but he always tells me to stay away from her, he thinks she’s a “bad influence”, and I don’t ask many questions these days so I just go with it.

I get home around 6 every night and Fin follows around 6:30. We hug and kiss and he always has a little gift for me which I really enjoy. I’m not really sure how he has time, though, with all of the work he does—whatever he does. I’m pretty fuzzy on the details and his work stories always seem to escape my mind but he thinks it’s for the best, seeing as apparently it’s all boring. 

I make dinner and we end the day on our big soft couch with a glass of wine and Benji to cuddle with. Every day is the same and I really love that. However, I sometimes have doubts about some things here and there. Fin tells me how my day goes sometimes because I can be very forgetful. But thinking about it now, he told me that too. Fin doesn’t tell me what he does, or at least I don’t remember what he says. I don’t know why I go through every day doing the exact same things, and I honestly don’t know why anyone would. I seem to not remember how we met or if I have a family. I faintly remember asking Fin about a camera I found in the ceiling of our bedroom but I don’t remember anything after that. I think I ask him a lot of questions but I don’t ever remember any of the answers, if he ever does answer. I don’t know much more about Fin than the fact that I love him, and I think that’s enough? At least I think I love him. Everythings becoming unclear now, and I decide to take a breath and look outside, slowly getting up as to not wake Fin. I stand by the window and look out at the street and suddenly Gabby comes to mind. We’ve barely interacted over the years we’ve been neighbors but I’ve always felt somehow attached to her—a mysterious familiarity felt through every smile or wave. I try to think back to where I first met her and I realize I don’t even remember what was happening this time last week, let alone 5 years ago. A far off memory flashes in my head; me running and another girl following shortly after. I look back and I see Gabby’s face. Before I can stop to think, it all comes rushing back to me.

The drive into the city from my little country house in Tennessee where I lived with my little sister and my mom. I remember Gabby’s face now, not from our apartment building or the bakery, but from that little country house and that field we used to play tag in every day before dinner time. I remember being driven here by my dad, who left when I was young to work here in the city, but I don’t remember anything after that. The oldest memory I have in the city that I can seem to remember is waking up in a shower, being bathed by a man I had never seen before, not being able to stand up on my own for some reason. I find it hard to remember who this man was. My heart races at a speed I never knew was possible. My vision gets blurry and I feel sick to my stomach. And then I realized—-the man I had been living with for 5 years, the man who I had loved with all my heart, the man sleeping peacefully behind me on the couch of our apartment. I turn back in disbelief and fear, tears welling in my eyes, and I find Fin is no longer there. My eyes struggle to adjust and I get increasingly dizzy as it all sets in. I stagger to the end of the couch and catch onto the back of it as I start to lose feeling in my legs, looking all around the apartment to see where my capture had gone. I look everywhere but he is nowhere to be seen, so I force myself up off of the couch and push through my horror and shock to run out of the apartment to escape. As I open the door, I am greeted by Fin as well as my dad, who I hadn’t seen since that night 5 years ago. Before I know it my eyes get heavy and I lose control of my entire body, falling into Fin’s arms and losing consciousness. All of my thoughts immediately drift away and my mind goes blank.